Want to know how God works and shows up in my life? The confirmations he gives me?
As I continued through the month of December in prayer for my Word of the Year (I’ve always done this instead of resolutions), I was getting nowhere. I battled over this in frustration, my impatience getting the better of me. I was praying with no response.
My hubs, on the other hand, came home one day mid-December, sat down, and revealed his Word to me. I was so happy for him, honestly, but was feeling stalled.
I’ve had years when as November/December rolls around and I start praying and asking for my Word, it’s there. Immediately and rapidly coming to the forefront. I’ve also had years when, like this year, God has taken his time in delivery.
As if, His timing isn’t perfect.
As if he didn’t have this Word in mind for me before I was even on this earth.
As if he knows better.
As if the timing that needs to happen for His clarity to shine through and for me to be READY to receive is inadequate.
I continued in daily prayer. I sat for days, silently, in the mornings on the floor of our bedroom in meditation and nothing…
Que more frustration.
It’s funny how prayer works and moves. I was FaceTiming with a friend today, and we were talking about how they are teaching their young kid(s) about prayer and how it’s not always for bedtime or before a meal, that you can pray anywhere and always. It’s those silent whispers to God, in the car, on a walk, in the shower or as you’re doing the dishes or laundry or in the case of kids… even on the playground.
I felt like I was on prayer overload (is there such a thing as TOO much prayer? The answer is NEVER) and my husband kept asking if I’d heard my Word yet, I was getting antsy.
Man, if that isn’t a terrible place to reside. Antsy. Restless in the desert, feeling deficient and lacking. I prayed on just that for a few days… I mean here I’m just waiting on a WORD for the year when others are waiting for so much more to show up.
So. Much. More.
Then it hit me; waiting is a proactive stance of drawing closer to God. Through waiting, at times, our faith can be tested, but it also cultivates good fruit in our lives, such as patience, perseverance, and endurance. It also draws us closer to God.
When we choose to wait quietly and trustingly, we honor God, and I know God’s goodness is promised for those who wait patiently for him! No matter how long.
I knew one thing; I wasn’t going to stop praying, and I wasn’t going to stop anticipating an answer. I waited more eagerly for our Creator to act.
When my Word finally did show up, I was discouraged at first. My husband, who had weeks before me, came home with his and shared, I thought, “how powerful!” He was almost in tears over it. It both scared him and made his heart pound with hope and expectancy.
I sat down that night and talked with G. Was this really “the word” for the year? What does it mean? I wanted a fun word, a word that sounded more “me,” a word that is fruity and felicitous. Something amusing and cheerful with punch and significant meaning behind it. Me, me, me… why are we always drawn back into making everything about ourselves?
I mean… what am I to do with THIS Word?
Nothing. I am to do nothing with it.
I wrote it down.
P U R P O S E
I quietly uttered an enormous “thank you.” and then thought… “I am going to do absolutely nothing with this Word, but the Maker who gave it to me is going to turn my life upside down this year with it. I’m quite sure of this.”
A few days later, my daughter and I decided to attend a different campus from our regular church. We did this because my husband was mixing sound at this campus for the worship team (on a day that he wasn’t originally scheduled to be there) so we thought we’d go. It was a Saturday night, not our regular Sunday service, and this particular week each campus pastor was speaking individually at each campus instead of our lead pastor. Which hardly ever happens.
A L L of this is out of the norm… but you know… When God shows up, it’s always out of the standard norm.
After worship, the pastor comes up and says his title for his message that night was:
PURPOSE REVEALED THOUGH PROCESS.
Read that again.
I stood in complete reverence and amazement!
As the pastor spoke, I felt the nudge of God. His breath all over me. Then the pastor said;
“Never feel so common with God that you’re not expectant.”
Oh, me of little faith.
He continued saying, “God is a God of the process, not the product, and God reveals himself and his purpose in the process.”
In my process of waiting on my Word, He showed up. Just like He always does. In His own time and in His own way.
Then something came to the forefront;
Maybe I’m running after things that are not my assignment (my purpose.) Things that are in my heart, but God never assigned for me.
My hysterics and tantrum about my Word dissolved right there onto the floor of that unfamiliar church.
Full stop & Mic drop.
Allow me the honor of praying for you friends. In whatever way you need. Text me, call me, message me. And I ask one favor of you; Pray for me. Pray that this year God works in the most unimaginable, unthinkable, incomprehensible, intentional ways to reveal what this Word will bring to life in me. His purpose. My purpose in Him. What use (purpose) is He calling me to? Pray for me to live with a more God-driven purpose and ALWAYS to live a purpose bigger than myself.
I believe to live a life with both passion and purpose; we must continue to learn who Jesus is. God has better plans for us that we can even imagine.