No Better Timing

Want to know how God works and shows up in my life? The confirmations he gives me?

As I continued through the month of December in prayer for my Word of the Year (I’ve always done this instead of resolutions), I was getting nowhere. I battled over this in frustration, my impatience getting the better of me. I was praying with no response. 

My hubs, on the other hand, came home one day mid-December, sat down, and revealed his Word to me. I was so happy for him, honestly, but was feeling stalled. 

I’ve had years when as November/December rolls around and I start praying and asking for my Word, it’s there. Immediately and rapidly coming to the forefront. I’ve also had years when, like this year, God has taken his time in delivery. 

As if, His timing isn’t perfect. 

As if he didn’t have this Word in mind for me before I was even on this earth. 

As if he knows better.

As if the timing that needs to happen for His clarity to shine through and for me to be READY to receive is inadequate.

I continued in daily prayer. I sat for days, silently, in the mornings on the floor of our bedroom in meditation and nothing… 

Que more frustration. images

It’s funny how prayer works and moves. I was FaceTiming with a friend today, and we were talking about how they are teaching their young kid(s) about prayer and how it’s not always for bedtime or before a meal, that you can pray anywhere and always. It’s those silent whispers to God, in the car, on a walk, in the shower or as you’re doing the dishes or laundry or in the case of kids… even on the playground. 

I felt like I was on prayer overload (is there such a thing as TOO much prayer? The answer is NEVER) and my husband kept asking if I’d heard my Word yet, I was getting antsy. 

Man, if that isn’t a terrible place to reside. Antsy. Restless in the desert, feeling deficient and lacking. I prayed on just that for a few days… I mean here I’m just waiting on a WORD for the year when others are waiting for so much more to show up. 

So. Much. More. 

Then it hit me; waiting is a proactive stance of drawing closer to God. Through waiting, at times, our faith can be tested, but it also cultivates good fruit in our lives, such as patience, perseverance, and endurance. It also draws us closer to God. 

When we choose to wait quietly and trustingly, we honor God, and I know God’s goodness is promised for those who wait patiently for him! No matter how long.

Sigh

I knew one thing; I wasn’t going to stop praying, and I wasn’t going to stop anticipating an answer. I waited more eagerly for our Creator to act. 

When my Word finally did show up, I was discouraged at first. My husband, who had weeks before me, came home with his and shared, I thought, “how powerful!” He was almost in tears over it. It both scared him and made his heart pound with hope and expectancy.

I sat down that night and talked with G. Was this really “the word” for the year? What does it mean? I wanted a fun word, a word that sounded more “me,” a word that is fruity and felicitous. Something amusing and cheerful with punch and significant meaning behind it. Me, me, me… why are we always drawn back into making everything about ourselves? 

I mean… what am I to do with THIS Word? 

Nothing. I am to do nothing with it. 

I wrote it down. 

P U R P O S E 

I quietly uttered an enormous “thank you.” and then thought… “I am going to do absolutely nothing with this Word, but the Maker who gave it to me is going to turn my life upside down this year with it. I’m quite sure of this.”

A few days later, my daughter and I decided to attend a different campus from our regular church. We did this because my husband was mixing sound at this campus for the worship team (on a day that he wasn’t originally scheduled to be there) so we thought we’d go. It was a Saturday night, not our regular Sunday service, and this particular week each campus pastor was speaking individually at each campus instead of our lead pastor. Which hardly ever happens. 

A L L of this is out of the norm… but you know… When God shows up, it’s always out of the standard norm. 

After worship, the pastor comes up and says his title for his message that night was: 

PURPOSE REVEALED THOUGH PROCESS. 

Read that again. 

PURPOSE 

Revealed 

Through

Process. 

I stood in complete reverence and amazement! 

As the pastor spoke, I felt the nudge of God. His breath all over me. Then the pastor said;

“Never feel so common with God that you’re not expectant.” 

Oh, me of little faith. 

He continued saying, “God is a God of the process, not the product, and God reveals himself and his purpose in the process.”

In my process of waiting on my Word, He showed up. Just like He always does. In His own time and in His own way. 

Then something came to the forefront;

Maybe I’m running after things that are not my assignment (my purpose.) Things that are in my heart, but God never assigned for me. 

My hysterics and tantrum about my Word dissolved right there onto the floor of that unfamiliar church. 

Full stop & Mic drop. 

Unknown-1       Allow me the honor of praying for you friends. In whatever way you need. Text me, call me, message me. And I ask one favor of you; Pray for me. Pray that this year God works in the most unimaginable, unthinkable, incomprehensible, intentional ways to reveal what this Word will bring to life in me. His purpose. My purpose in Him. What use (purpose) is He calling me to? Pray for me to live with a more God-driven purpose and ALWAYS to live a purpose bigger than myself. 

I believe to live a life with both passion and purpose; we must continue to learn who Jesus is. God has better plans for us that we can even imagine. 

Restore Me

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What a year it has been! I spent the last year with BE ruminating in my mind. That was my word for 2018. I am so not into New Year’s resolutions. Never have been. But what I DO, is pray. Pray for a WORD, a word to focus on and to set me on fire. To fix my heart on intentions, meaning, and hope. Don’t get me wrong, though, I am not bashing on resolutions, and I think they work for many. I think sometimes we get so off course during a year that giving yourself a resolution is incredible! It creates a fierceness in you: a determined heart and a purpose. I am, however, about goals. The type that allows growth but is not over-reaching and unattainable, so that you set yourself up for failure. Pliable goals that move and flow over the year. Some quick and some that are going to require some hard work. Maybe repairing a relationship, running a 5k, picking up an old project you were frustrated with or picking up a discarded passion that you allowed to fall away for whatever reason.

Last year was the year of “BE,” and I have been put to the test. Two thousand eighteen was an unbelievable year! In 2017 we had decided to sell off, donate, bless others with our excess and pack up and move out of the country. We dedicated to a full year. The year brought so much growth, challenge, joy, change, and transformation to both G and I. It was pretty magical, and we learned a lot. We learned that things are indeed never in our control. Something that sometimes both of us struggle with, obviously, because we continue to be challenged on this. We were blessed in a multitude of ways that we never imagined. We learned to BE more present and trust more. We learned that being comfortable and BE-ing comfortable means entirely two different things. We learned to BE more gracious and more thankful. We learned that to BE content doesn’t mean materially or always easy. We learned to BE more patient and to navigate problems without allowing annoyance to slip it’s ugly fingers in.

Going into this year as I nestled down my heart to await my word, I was excited! I was also exhausted and frustrated. We knew the time G and I had spent apart due to his career was not working well. Although living abroad, he had a lot of travel to the States. More than we anticipated. We knew that my complete retreat from racing and triathlon was not working. Coming off of several years of constant competition and endorphins to “hammocking” was not feeding my soul and my inner fire.
I prayed for a few months for my word, and just like always, in the early, dark hours of the morning while lying in bed, it was there on my heart.

Restoration.

res·to·ra·tion
/ˌrestəˈrāSH(ə)n/Submit
noun
1.
the action of returning something to a former owner, place, or condition.
synonyms: repair, repairing, fixing, mending, refurbishment, reconditioning, rehabilitation, rebuilding, reconstruction, overhaul, redevelopment, renovation; informal rehab
“the restoration of derelict housing.”

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This is always the part of the story that gets me excited because I never know where these words will lead. I always look forward to the transformation that they bring each year. I love that it gives me something to focus on and center myself on. Pray about and REALLY listen.

Restoration/Restore can mean a million different things. We do know we both love living abroad. We both agree that we are still dedicated to that. We are both wild-gypsy souls with an unquenchable amount of wild and wanderlust. We know that beyond the shadow of a doubt had we not decided to move, we would’ve regretted it later on. We are still happy we leaped when a lot of people would instead remain comfortable in their box. We know that no matter what, we will usually always take the road less traveled. We will never take things for granted and never say no to an opportunity. We won’t “live the same year 75 times and call it a life.” Travel, seeing other countries, visiting places in your own country, meeting people, exploring, eating foods that are questionable (HAHA) smelling, tasting and feeling the pulse of new areas, we think, intensifies the richness of your life. You realize how small you are on this vast globe. You learn a lot about adaptation and resilience. You learn there are a million paths to happiness, and none of them look the same.

img_3408So we start over. A new year. A new word. A further purpose. A fresh new love. New expectations and possibilities. New promises to lean in to. New vistas. With a renewed sense of wonder and curiosity and a fully open heart for RESTORATION, whatever that is going to look like. Ready to flip the flow (thanks Pastor Steven) Laying everything down for an inspired and passionate start line with a fresh eagerness and inquisitiveness for two thousand nineteen.

Happy Festivus -Airing of Grievances

Take a look at your life. What do you see? 

I try to keep my social media positive and inspirational all while being authentic and real. OF COURSE like everyone I have bad days and situations and I definitely SEE them, acknowledge them and accept them but they never destroy me and I don’t see a need for complaint. So often all I see on social media is complaining.

”The house isn’t perfect”  But does it hold a loving family and friends? Do you gather around a table for incredible meals and talk and laugh and make memories?

”The government isn’t perfect”  When has it ever been? George Washington owned slaves and made mistakes on the battlefield due to his lack of experience as a general. Those mistakes cost him the lives of many soldiers. They almost cost him the independence of America. Or Hoover’s belief that raising taxes would somehow fix the “Great Depression”

”The new car isn’t perfect” Neither was my 1989 Honda Civic that I bought in 2002, but that car represented my freedom from domestic violence and is still my most favored car. 

”My marriage isn’t perfect” How can you ever have the expectation of living with someone other than yourself and have it completely copacetic? How completely boring.

“My kids aren’t perfect” Thank goodness kids aren’t clones and they all have individuality and their own identity. 

”My body isn’t perfect” 🙄🙄 It is strong and healthy and capable? 

The list goes on. Oftentimes things aren’t as we planned and that’s part of life and growth.

 We ARE NOT OUR CIRCUMSTANCES. 

To live in a constant state of compliant really shows a lack of happiness and gratitude all around.

 Ya know what’s perfect? Nothing. 

So it’s either a situation where you honestly can’t be happy no matter what the outcome and you’re completely unable to please OR maybe you feel so out of control that you need to control everything to create perfectionism OR maybe you just love the drama. Maybe you’ve never been in a situation where you’ve dedicated time in your life to something other than yourself. 

I can’t be certain, but it’s heartbreaking, honestly. 

We live in a society bent on being perfect, which has created nothing but stress and drama. 

Stop and take a look at your life. 

There is a laundry list of things I could be adding to this but I’m trying to keep this short and sweet. More than likely my passion will run more wild on this than the crazy curls that grow unruly out of my head.. but I digress. 

As Greg and I travel the world and meet people the one thing we notice is the perfectness in imperfection. We travel to places where people are (to American standards) struggling, without complaint. I fact it’s more often the people who have less-than are the ones more likely to invite us for dinner. It’s the people who worry about their water sources being polluted, knowing it could be worse, invite us for tea. They smile, they tell stories and they don’t complain. They know things aren’t perfect but have decided to rise up and see the greatness, not to strive for perfection but to see things through another lens. 

Over the years Greg and I have had more times of looking at one another and thinking Whiskey Tango Foxtrot than you can imagine. We raised kids. HaHa, that right there should reveal our skill-set.  We’ve built houses for ourselves and for others in foreign countries. We’ve had no money and an abundance. We endured sickness and long-distance-moves. We’ve served on missions, we’ve lost friends, we’ve had delays and bad flights, we’ve had plans change that weren’t in our control to begin with, BUT we’ve always ALWAYS been grateful. In the 5 seconds after a tragedy, we may look blinded, but within another 5 we think… 

“Wait, look at our life!” 

This year I have had an abundance of friends suffer. Through decades of marriage that came to an abrupt end. Through the diagnosis of cancer that has decided to take a young, healthy body and ravage it. Through losing a home to a natural disaster. Loss of a spouse and children. Unexpected moves from an area they love. Loss of jobs. 

Stop and take a look at your life. 

I can’t help but think 100% of us have something better to do than complain.  EVER! 

Please stop. Please stop making mountains out of nothing. Please stop feeding drama on social media.  Please stop being petty. Please do something for someone other than yourself. Please look around you to those who are REALLY hurting. Please get out of bed and stop complaining about your health and DO something to move towards change. Please see someone and/or admit that maybe you’re depressed and seek help. Please stop posting things that make people roll their eyes. (Ok maybe it’s just me) 

Please be delicate with one another. Please forgive someone. Please spread kindness. Please give to someone in need.  Please agree to disagree (HONESTLY) Please extend grace. Please be humble. Please love without condition. Please…. just be a kind human.