Restore Me

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What a year it has been! I spent the last year with BE ruminating in my mind. That was my word for 2018. I am so not into New Year’s resolutions. Never have been. But what I DO, is pray. Pray for a WORD, a word to focus on and to set me on fire. To fix my heart on intentions, meaning, and hope. Don’t get me wrong, though, I am not bashing on resolutions, and I think they work for many. I think sometimes we get so off course during a year that giving yourself a resolution is incredible! It creates a fierceness in you: a determined heart and a purpose. I am, however, about goals. The type that allows growth but is not over-reaching and unattainable, so that you set yourself up for failure. Pliable goals that move and flow over the year. Some quick and some that are going to require some hard work. Maybe repairing a relationship, running a 5k, picking up an old project you were frustrated with or picking up a discarded passion that you allowed to fall away for whatever reason.

Last year was the year of “BE,” and I have been put to the test. Two thousand eighteen was an unbelievable year! In 2017 we had decided to sell off, donate, bless others with our excess and pack up and move out of the country. We dedicated to a full year. The year brought so much growth, challenge, joy, change, and transformation to both G and I. It was pretty magical, and we learned a lot. We learned that things are indeed never in our control. Something that sometimes both of us struggle with, obviously, because we continue to be challenged on this. We were blessed in a multitude of ways that we never imagined. We learned to BE more present and trust more. We learned that being comfortable and BE-ing comfortable means entirely two different things. We learned to BE more gracious and more thankful. We learned that to BE content doesn’t mean materially or always easy. We learned to BE more patient and to navigate problems without allowing annoyance to slip it’s ugly fingers in.

Going into this year as I nestled down my heart to await my word, I was excited! I was also exhausted and frustrated. We knew the time G and I had spent apart due to his career was not working well. Although living abroad, he had a lot of travel to the States. More than we anticipated. We knew that my complete retreat from racing and triathlon was not working. Coming off of several years of constant competition and endorphins to “hammocking” was not feeding my soul and my inner fire.
I prayed for a few months for my word, and just like always, in the early, dark hours of the morning while lying in bed, it was there on my heart.

Restoration.

res·to·ra·tion
/ˌrestəˈrāSH(ə)n/Submit
noun
1.
the action of returning something to a former owner, place, or condition.
synonyms: repair, repairing, fixing, mending, refurbishment, reconditioning, rehabilitation, rebuilding, reconstruction, overhaul, redevelopment, renovation; informal rehab
“the restoration of derelict housing.”

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This is always the part of the story that gets me excited because I never know where these words will lead. I always look forward to the transformation that they bring each year. I love that it gives me something to focus on and center myself on. Pray about and REALLY listen.

Restoration/Restore can mean a million different things. We do know we both love living abroad. We both agree that we are still dedicated to that. We are both wild-gypsy souls with an unquenchable amount of wild and wanderlust. We know that beyond the shadow of a doubt had we not decided to move, we would’ve regretted it later on. We are still happy we leaped when a lot of people would instead remain comfortable in their box. We know that no matter what, we will usually always take the road less traveled. We will never take things for granted and never say no to an opportunity. We won’t “live the same year 75 times and call it a life.” Travel, seeing other countries, visiting places in your own country, meeting people, exploring, eating foods that are questionable (HAHA) smelling, tasting and feeling the pulse of new areas, we think, intensifies the richness of your life. You realize how small you are on this vast globe. You learn a lot about adaptation and resilience. You learn there are a million paths to happiness, and none of them look the same.

img_3408So we start over. A new year. A new word. A further purpose. A fresh new love. New expectations and possibilities. New promises to lean in to. New vistas. With a renewed sense of wonder and curiosity and a fully open heart for RESTORATION, whatever that is going to look like. Ready to flip the flow (thanks Pastor Steven) Laying everything down for an inspired and passionate start line with a fresh eagerness and inquisitiveness for two thousand nineteen.

The Love Story

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Over time things ebb and flow. Like a swell and the waves of the ocean, that at one moment looks calm and in a blink turns to a rolling sea. This is the way of marriage. To me, that’s living a long life with someone. The high and low. The up and down. The good the bad… which is indeed still good. It’s the waking day after day to the same person staring at you and choosing to smile because you’d never imagine another way to wake up.

Marriage is complicated. And even after being together for 24 years, I can’t even start to think I have anything figured out.

The majority of days for us, for me anyway, are completely unimaginable. This guy, who I met in a pub when I was practically a child, has somehow morphed into this brilliant man with specks of silver in his hair. Who adores and loves every ounce of me, and not only on my pretty days. Who has dedicated his life to me, in the messiest parts and the more extraordinary parts. His smell to me is the same. And that smile… The days have turned to weeks, have turned to years, have rolled into decades and have gone by so quickly and have been nothing short of a roller coaster ride of wild excitement! We have worked at keeping things fresh. We still date. Did you read that? Yes, we still date and always have, even during the child-raising years, choosing to carve out time, just to be a couple. We still surprise one another, still chase one another and challenge one another, because….how could you NOT? We’ve never been ok with the status quo. We don’t take one another for granted. We love one another deeply and wildly. We allow room for error and growth and never require perfection.

Today is our anniversary. We’ve been around the block a few times. I always want to be real and authentic with our family, our friends, with our kids, because people see us and think we are kind of that “Unicorn” couple…and we are, but some days…..some days you fall asleep on the couch the night before, and you wake up disheveled and disoriented, so early and pass one another in the kitchen for that first cup of coffee and you’re so dazed and confused, the morning not quite rubbed out of your eyes yet, and you talk, and you laugh, and grumble about “why did you leave me on the couch overnight?” and you….forget.
For ten minutes, you forget that over two decades ago, you took vows for better or for worse. Is that normal? I honestly think everything and anything in a marriage is normal. Because you cannot spend your life with someone and not mess up. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies.

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Now, I DO have to say, this is the VERY first time, in our entire life together, I have been left on the couch. I am going to blame a headache that forced my hubs to bed early, and the night owl in me that likes to stay up until stars twinkle late into the night sky. The music on my iPod and being zoned on the couch reading over marathon training plans, that eventually lulled me to sleep until I heard the french press being filled with grounds and felt a wet nose against mine. No, not G’s!

Sometimes, this is life.

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Sometimes….this is real life!

The real parts of life.

What I do know about this day: I would without thinking for a second, walk my cute, little self down that aisle again. I would still behave in my feisty, “YES, you’re going to pay for that beer” way from 24 years ago. I would always choose to make every life change, job change, globe-trot, move across the country, dive into the pool head first, jump out of the airplane, let’s move out of the country, chance and adventure that has come our way. I would say yes again, and I will, every day. G, you are still it! When I look at you, I still see that boy I met so many years ago, with a head full of dreams (and guitar riffs) with the fullest, kindest heart, who was as scared as I was to take the risk on one another. Who is so dedicated and sold out to God, your family, your friends. Who still, honestly, daily, gives me butterflies. There is no one I’d rather live a life of shenanigans with than you, Mister. Our friends know this. Our family knows this. People who are around us for more than 10 minutes know this: we are a force to be reckoned with.

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So, as we sit, blinking wildly at one another in utter amazement that for the very first time in all of our years together, there was not a marching band and banners strung, the pomp and circumstance to remind us of our years together…we can laugh without fear of the future. Because, yes, even unicorns get sleep deprived. In the real world anyway.

Happy Anniversary my Love~

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