Over time things ebb and flow. Like a swell and the waves of the ocean, that at one moment looks calm and in a blink turns to a rolling sea. This is the way of marriage. To me, that’s living a long life with someone. The high and low. The up and down. The good the bad… which is indeed still good. It’s the waking day after day to the same person staring at you and choosing to smile because you’d never imagine another way to wake up.

Marriage is complicated. And even after being together for 24 years, I can’t even start to think I have anything figured out.

The majority of days for us, for me anyway, are completely unimaginable. This guy, who I met in a pub when I was practically a child, has somehow morphed into this brilliant man with specks of silver in his hair. Who adores and loves every ounce of me, and not only on my pretty days. Who has dedicated his life to me, in the messiest parts and the more extraordinary parts. His smell to me is the same. And that smile… The days have turned to weeks, have turned to years, have rolled into decades and have gone by so quickly and have been nothing short of a roller coaster ride of wild excitement! We have worked at keeping things fresh. We still date. Did you read that? Yes, we still date and always have, even during the child-raising years, choosing to carve out time, just to be a couple. We still surprise one another, still chase one another and challenge one another, because….how could you NOT? We’ve never been ok with the status quo. We don’t take one another for granted. We love one another deeply and wildly. We allow room for error and growth and never require perfection.

Today is our anniversary. We’ve been around the block a few times. I always want to be real and authentic with our family, our friends, with our kids, because people see us and think we are kind of that “Unicorn” couple…and we are, but some days…..some days you fall asleep on the couch the night before, and you wake up disheveled and disoriented, so early and pass one another in the kitchen for that first cup of coffee and you’re so dazed and confused, the morning not quite rubbed out of your eyes yet, and you talk, and you laugh, and grumble about “why did you leave me on the couch overnight?” and you….forget.
For ten minutes, you forget that over two decades ago, you took vows for better or for worse. Is that normal? I honestly think everything and anything in a marriage is normal. Because you cannot spend your life with someone and not mess up. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies.

Now, I DO have to say, this is the VERY first time, in our entire life together, I have been left on the couch. I am going to blame a headache that forced my hubs to bed early, and the night owl in me that likes to stay up until stars twinkle late into the night sky. The music on my iPod and being zoned on the couch reading over marathon training plans, that eventually lulled me to sleep until I heard the french press being filled with grounds and felt a wet nose against mine. No, not G’s!

Sometimes, this is life.

Sometimes….this is real life!

The real parts of life.

What I do know about this day: I would without thinking for a second, walk my cute, little self down that aisle again. I would still behave in my feisty, “YES, you’re going to pay for that beer” way from 24 years ago. I would always choose to make every life change, job change, globe-trot, move across the country, dive into the pool head first, jump out of the airplane, let’s move out of the country, chance and adventure that has come our way. I would say yes again, and I will, every day. G, you are still it! When I look at you, I still see that boy I met so many years ago, with a head full of dreams (and guitar riffs) with the fullest, kindest heart, who was as scared as I was to take the risk on one another. Who is so dedicated and sold out to God, your family, your friends. Who still, honestly, daily, gives me butterflies. There is no one I’d rather live a life of shenanigans with than you, Mister. Our friends know this. Our family knows this. People who are around us for more than 10 minutes know this: we are a force to be reckoned with.

So, as we sit, blinking wildly at one another in utter amazement that for the very first time in all of our years together, there was not a marching band and banners strung, the pomp and circumstance to remind us of our years together…we can laugh without fear of the future. Because, yes, even unicorns get sleep deprived. In the real world anyway.

Happy Anniversary my Love~

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Happy Twenty Eighteen!!

What does it mean “to be”? Or for that matter; BE?

I love this from http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/to_be.htm; The Greek sea god, Proteus, was (like the sea) capable of changing form in an instant. In order to get any decent information out of him, you had to grab him and hold on tight while he went through his various forms — lion, wild boar, snake, tree, running stream — it wasn’t easy. The verb “To be” is said to be the most protean of the English language, constantly changing form, sometimes without much of a discernible pattern. Considering that we use it so often, it is really too bad that the verb “To be” has to be the most irregular, slippery verb in the language.

The most irregular, slippery verb.

When the word “BE” came to me this year, as “my ONE word” I was perplexed, and honestly, I still am, because what do I do with a word so open-ended as this?
I ran this morning and walked the beach to cool down (a word that’s impossible living here), and as per the usual, I prayed, because beach- walking and running are ALWAYS my “gettin’ down to business with the Lord” times. I asked God “what does BE mean?” “You gave me this word, and I don’t know what to do with it.”
There are a million things that BE can have an association. I posted a few last week on my Instagram; BE helpful, BE kind, BE available, BE yourself, BE there, BE love, BE the best you, BE all in, BE generous.

I have the strangest feeling I’ll be on quite a ride this year.

For me today, as we start this new year, I know it’s BE accountable. I read this morning; “accountability is something that you must take on yourself. It is the ability to claim your actions as your own and discuss your reasons behind them. It’s natural. Transparent.”

I want to be accountable to my family and friends. I want them to know beyond a shadow of a doubt; I’m in their corner. I’m behind their crazy schemes, and dreams and ideas. I want them to know; I have their back in all circumstances. For the joyous times as well as the messy, ugly, dirty times. It does not mean, however, that this accountability wouldn’t bring with it some tough love, or that it allows room to be a doormat to someone that is in harm’s way. I think in life and in relationships being accountable is tough. Everyone wants to hear the rainbow side of things and not always the “Please don’t go down that road, because there is a cliff at the end” side of things. Being accountable does not mean allowing toxicity or harmful behavior to enter into your life. I’ve learned, I can forgive and love a person from afar without allowing them to poison me but at the same time standing to take the reprimand if I’ve wronged someone.

I want to be accountable to my hubs. (This is SO easy for me) I want him always to know I support him. He has some ideas that I just sit and look at him, blinking wildly, mouth agape, but he knows….I am all in! Always! And to be honest, I’m sure, in fact, I KNOW he sits blinking wildly at me at times at my wild ideas. Talk about two people brought together by the Divine.

I want to be accountable to myself; allowing myself to be kind to my body athletically, nutritionally, sleeping well, practicing yoga, mindful of getting my feet onto the sand and earthing, taking care of my immune system with good food, a lot of water, excellent supplements. I want to read more. (more than I already do) I want to laugh hysterically at something, daily (which is never hard for me. I am well skilled at the art of the belly-laugh ). I want to meet someone new or do a good deed every day, not because someone expects it of me, OR to get the recognition but to just shine a light.

My first start was running again after taking a little hiatus. After moving, I had a hard time finding my rhythm. The days are long here (year round 11 1/2-12 hours of sunlight) which is fabulous, but when the parrots are waking you up way too early, and the sun streams in, and it’s 90 degrees already, I couldn’t. I could not get going. I could not take the heat, which I love, usually. I could not tackle the humidity. I could not get used to running in the sand again. I could not keep myself hydrated enough. AT FIRST. I needed some accountability, and even though it’s online, I joined a Strava running group. It’s only a two-week commitment. (For now) But I’m logging my runs again, and have a 2-week goal because sometimes THAT is what you have to do to jump-start yourself. Knowing that my little running community is there, is holding me accountable. And you know what? It’s felt great. Well, it’s still hot as blazes, but after that first day, my body felt so incredibly satisfied. It’s what I’m made to do. Having the accountability to my group is terrific!

I loved and lived my word last year; Intention. Everything I did I tried in earnest to do out of intent and mindfulness, without being held captive to the word. I looked back on my post from last year and some things that popped out after knowing my word was; I want my actions to speak lounder than words, givng my friends undivided attention, surround myself with people on fire for life, being intentional with food and exercise, traveling more, soaking in salt water, have things in my house that are USEFUL and not just becasue “it’s a shiny new thing,” focus on my Creator, really listen to His will for our lives, BE A MAGNET FOR MIRACLES, be outdoors more, and have less TV time, to serve more, take more risks, love fiercly, allow myself to “not try to control the uncontrolable”

UMMMM hello! Talk about a year living out my word! IT WAS AN AMAZING YEAR! I saw an IG post a couple of weeks ago that said “Sometimes I just look up, smile and say “I know that was You. Thank you.” It gives me chills because this past year has overflowed with those moments. A smile creeps onto my face. A swifter beat of my heart happens. Chills cover my body. Tears come to my eyes out of nowhere. It’s comforting knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt; this past year has all been because of Him. When I’m able to look back on the year, with the word INTENTION, and the heart that wrote that first blog for twenty seventeen, listening and being open, waiting, and being patient, not rushing the perfect timing of God….. it brought the most unimaginable year into existence.
Before we moved, I was able to spend the most incredible time with friends and family, just soaking in their smiles and words and wisdom and love. I had the honor and privilege to stand up in the wedding of two of the most precious souls I’ve ever known. A friend that I’ve laughed wildly with, have traveled abroad with and have also cried long nights in anguish alongside. A friend that I have prayed on my knees daily for to find love. Isn’t God surprising in the way He hears and answers our hearts? I also got to welcome a new baby with a dear, sweet friend. The miracle of life! I cheered as friends achieved goals, I walked alongside sick friends, praying for healing and they all walked beside me as we got closer to moving. Because as exciting and ready as we were to make this move, there is something about becoming disconnected from your tribe…. I already knew and should have realized that nothing would change or TRULY disconnect us, because friends are friends and love is love, but on some days I allowed insecurity to seep in where it had no business being.
We became more minimalist, honestly and genuinely taking inventory of our “things,” and boy did we PURGE! We wanted to be in a place and a space that had no excess. What we own is our most favorite, and used for a purpose, daily. We have everything we’ve ever loved, being useful and not sitting on a shelf. We gave away and tried to bless with our excess. We traveled a lot, and salt water soakin’ is a way of life now. Every day my husband says; “let’s get salty!” It washes away so much! We are outdoors, always. Living in a tropical climate EVERYTHING is open air. Not to mention, running, hiking, waterfall chasing, surfing, beach walking. We are outside people and are out a lot. Less TV….easy, and when we moved, our house didn’t have a TV. Take more risks = moving to a foreign country. Not controlling the uncontrollable literally happens on the daily here.
I see now how God walked me (us) through this past year by hand. He prepared the entire way for us. He had moved and was here way ahead of us. I am looking forward to a year of BE. I’m excited and encouraged to see the ways God will flow through and use this word in our lives.

What are you’re terrific moments when you say “I know that was you” What is your word for 2018? Do you do a word, a resolution, an intention? I’d love to hear it! It’s a great confirmation and comfort to me, seeing the past year and how it played out, to know God has us right where He wants us. For this moment. For this season. To be.

Pura Vida